To Thine Own Self Be True: To Know Yourself is to Respect Yourself!

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So now you know why Mr. Married and looking for a bit on the side is coming to you but what do you do about it? This is the challenging part but this is where self-awareness, self-esteem and self-respect come in.

As we discussed in the last blog this married man is coming your way to get an energy hit from you. He is depleted and needing to fill up and is tapping on your personal energy to do it.  For you though this person is a lesson about your own needs and habits. When we are in the throws of the confusions of life and not really aware of what we are hear to learn and do we can get caught up in destructive, repetitive patterns and not even realize what we are doing and why.

Mr. married is getting your energy but what are you getting out of it? On some level you are meeting some need that you probably are not even a ware of. For example, you are alone and fearful of that status so you may be thinking that a sometime lover is better than no lover. Or he may be telling you how he feels he is misunderstood and that he needs you so you allow yourself to fall into the caretaker role.

Knowing that you do have these habits of behavior is one things but understanding why you do them and what is triggering you to repeat negative patterns in your life and how to change them is what self-awareness is all about.  Once you are aware of your patterns you will feel empowered to make choices and this allows for increased self-esteem and self-respect. 

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So how do you become more self-aware? Well it is time you look at your past relationships with old lovers and family. Do you see any obvious patterns that you would like to change? If you are not sure you need to consider keeping a journal and start by asking the following questions:

What is the pattern I am repeating that is getting in the way of the kind of relationships I want?

Why is it that I repeat this pattern?

When in my life was the first time I accepted being second place in a relationship with someone?

What is it that I am trying to full up or get by allowing emotionally or physically unavailable people into my life?

What kind of person is my ideal partner and Why is it I think I must settle for less? In this case you need to list all the characteristics of your ideal man no matter how unrealistic they may seem.

I know  answering  the above questions may be a tough exercise to do, but I can assure you that doing the work on this and seeing the words written on paper will make the patterns more real to you as you become more self-aware.

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Gaining self-awareness is the first step in changing how you think and react to situations in your life. As is said knowledge is power and that gives you the freedom to make positive, informed life decisions rather than just reacting and doing things on impulse. Once you feel empowered to make different decisions in your life your self-esteem and self-respect will increase and you will not be so vulnerable to the married guy.

In the next blog we will examine how to say no and mean it. After all living an authentic life is what it is all about.

Comments

[Helen]

Hi Catherine,

Thanks so much for responding to my comments. You're absolutely right about the "self-sabotage". I have to fess up here to anyone who is following along with this conversation...I am also married. I have been stuck in a marriage for a long time, which I now realize is by choice. I used to feel that I had no choice, I got married very young and ultimately because I was pregnent. Since then I stayed because I didn't know what else to do. Eventually I decided no one else would want me and I was undeserving of the love I wanted to feel from someone and for someone. When I entered this transition period of my life I started to feel worthy of the happiness and success I was feeling and I guess that's what Mr.Married saw and liked. I really had no business getting involved with him. Like I said I wasn't really looking. I just felt happy and being with him made me feel the things I wanted for myself. So, here's the self sabotage part....I have to take responsibility for the choice I made to get married and looking back...I was really young and not strong enough. Now, I am strong and the choice to stay in this situation is mine. Getting invoved with Mr.Married and unavailable was a last ditch effort to avoid making tough decisions, to show myself that I was right that I had no choices, that no one would want me so I might as well stay where I am. Taking responsibility for my own happiness is the lesson here. All this new self awareness is empowering, but the decision is still incredibly difficult and scary. Thanks again for letting me share this, I hope you don`t mind my constant replies. It`s very therapeutic, not just to write, but to share it. As
you can imagine this is a secret that I hold inside.

Helen

[Catherine MacDonald Spiritualist Medium/Psychic]

Hello Helen:

It takes a strong woman to realize that you are selling yourself short and doing it repeatedly. It is also very common to feel that emotionally and or physically unavailable men are "safe" and this is a huge part of self sabotage. Most of us both men and woman have done it to ourselves at some point in our lives.

The key is to realize that these life lessons around fear and running away will repeat themselves until we face them and overcome the ingrained and reflexive pattern we have been engaged in up to this point.

Venting can be part of self-awareness and I am glad you have shared your experiences.

Yes you will feel good again and a large part of that is self-acceptance that comes from living your truth in an authentic way.

[Helen]

Hi Catherine,

Helen here! I've thought about what you have written here, and looked long and hard at my patterns. It boils down to me getting involved with men that I feel like I'm not good enough for. I use my physical appearance to attract them, but when it comes down to getting to know the real me...I feel not good enough. So, when I get rejected(he's married) I can go "see...I'm not good enough..I was right..who would want me?" In prior realtionships, I would start to withdraw(run away) from the man once it got more intimate(not sexual, but real intimacy).I'm afraid to let anyone in. This married man though...I let him in, and I got burned. I suppose I felt I could let him in because he was married and unavailable to me, in some ways that made it "safe". It's been very painful to accept that about myself. The thing that ticks me off is that before I got involved with him I was starting to feel so good about myself because of this new found talent in my life. I wasn't looking for someone, but obviously he picked up on my energy and was attracted to me. Will I ever feel good again? I'm having a hard time leting it go and moving on....obviously. It sucks.

Good place to vent!!

Helen